This may sound like a rant but it's not. It's my view. Not on your life or anyone else's but on mine. If this helps someone in a similar situation - good. I hope it gets through to those who point fingers and pass judgment on others when they don't really know what goes on in one’s family or home.
I'm a single mom. That was not in my plan but it's the plan I was given. Whether through poor choices or through a high power (that would be God by the way) this is the life I have. God blessed me with three boys. Life left me with no "man of the house". I took responsibility for my life. I've worked. I've put food on the table, a roof over our heads, clothes on their backs, and love in their hearts. I've stayed up late after work making classroom party favors, Halloween costumes, and even risen before daylight to get things rolling for their day. Between all of us, we've always filled our home with laughter...good times and bad. With one child blessed with special needs and two others with their own issues to live through, I've done the best that I could to do with the tools that I've had at my disposal. All in all, I think I've done a good job. None of my children have been in trouble with the law. None of my children are on drugs or alcohol. None of my children are failing school. They go to church not because I make them but because the truly want to. They’re healthy, happy, basically well-adjusted (for teenagers) and good citizens.
I've always had some who make a point to advise me I have a tough time raising them because I'm doing it without a man. I didn't know two parent families had it easy! Also, to them I say, have you met my father? The man my boys refer to as the Alpha American? The man who has shown them how to be a true man...respect themselves; respect others; to look after those weaker than themselves. I am thankful beyond measure for my dad showing them how a real man carries himself and conducts himself in life and for showing them to enjoy what they’ve been blessed with. (See sometimes the "man" - the true man - isn't even under the same roof even when there's a man under the same roof).
Having said this let me now add that my boys have not been deprived of a meaningful life because they were saddled with a solo mom. In many ways they are a head of the game in life. They understand sacrifice and more than the sacrifice of not getting a new pair of name brand shoes or not getting a brand new sports car. They understand that sometimes; most times, a person has to put themselves last in wants, desires, even needs, to provide for the whole. They understand how to make a night of fun out of a bunch of candles, a board game and family circled round when the weather takes the power out. They understand that things aren't handed to you and the things that are? Well, they know that they are true gifts to be appreciated. They understand, and even appreciate, not going to a fancy vacation spot but packing a picnic lunch to go to a local swimming hole for the day or even turning down an unknown road to see where it goes.
They may have been deprived a "man of the house" but they've always had the Father with them - looking out for them; protecting them; loving them. Not all homes are the picture perfect ones we've been conditioned to see as ideal but a family in any form that is loving, Godly, and supporting is HIS perfect one. Before you offer advice that someone has a hard time or is lacking because there isn't a man around the house, ask yourself are you the one to cast that stone? Are your children perfect? Is your family perfect? The answer is no because none are. But our family is no less a family because you can't see "a man of the house". Our man of the house lives in our hearts, our souls.
For those out there doing this solo, woman or man, hold your head up, thank God every day for the gifts he has given you and the wisdom to do it right. He'll answer prayers and your children will be just fine.
Final note, I am very pro-family. It is ideal to have mom and dad both but to criticize those who don't is wrong. They're there and they are taken responsibility for the gifts and challenges we all have. Encourage them. Praise them. Most of all, put your stones down.
3 comments:
Cat, I think you are an amazing mom and a fabulous person. I can not even imagine how to be a single parent of 3 children, especially boys!! I am fortunate that I have been blessed with a "man of the house" but that is certainly not what defines my family. I agree with you wholeheartedly. Your boys are so fortunate because they do have a wonderful male role model in their lives; however, they are blessed because they have a wonderful female role model in their lives. Just remember, every time that someone points their finger at you to hold you in judgment, they are pointing 3 fingers back at themselves. You just keep on doing what you are doing and forget about those dumb enough to pass judgment. Because, quite frankly, no one on this earth gets to pass judgment. He is the only one qualified to pass judgment and His is the only one that matters! Love you girl, and don't ever forget it. Of course, there is always option #2. Since I am married to an Italian, I may be able to search the family tree and find a mob connection and order a hit..... lol
From another single mom - WAY TO GO! I have been a single mom for 14 years - my children are 21 and 16. We too have struggled, but I see all the things you said in your "rant" - I too thank the Lord each day for my parents who have been my rock for so long. My daughter gave my father a card on HER graduation telling him how important he has always been in her life and so on - my mother shared that with me. It is amazing how "the man of the house" doesn't always LIVE "in" the house. I pray every day that I am the best mom I can be and hope that it's enough - it's so nice to find someone else who is doing it the same way! God bless -
Cat... My father died when I was 4 years old, I was the youngest of 8 children, the oldest being a month away from turning 18. My mother, like you had to work to support the family, I really don't know how she got so much done at home and worked out as well. She made our clothes, taught us that love was the most important part of the family. She always told us we didn't need to be rich to have love among ourselves. We had very few store bought toys, we made our own games. The toys that were store bought were a deck of cards, and a game of jacks, and some board games. Other than those, we played games, and sang songs. We all turned out fine, and the love she taught us for one another is still with all of us to this day. She also taught us to put God first in our lives as well.
I can't imagine anyone being so misinformed as to think that a single parent does not qualify to raise their own children. I don't know you, but I do know that children can grow up with "no man of the house" around to help. My mother didn't choose to be the single parent, but time and unforeseen events changed those plans. Just as you have experienced, whether that be death of a mate or otherwise.
Keep doing what you are doing and forget about the ones who just don't understand and probably never will, unless they end up experiencing the same, than they will understand.
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