Migraines, Meds, and Mental side effects

I've recently experienced an increase in migraines. I've suffered with them since I was about ten. I love how we always say suffer. Like anyone enjoys them. Anyhow, I went from having two a year to having about four in five month period. Recently, I had a three day one that had a wonderful slurred speech tag along. Apparently, this is not a good thing. While my coworkers found this quite amusing my doctor did not. Actually, he did snicker a bit. Since he's my cousin this was completely appropriate. He decided that since I also have a history of aura migraines and several occasions of my left side going numb that it was time to try daily treatment. His drug of choice for my daily treatment was Topamax. Now let me just add this disclaimer. What is said in this post is what I experienced personally. My father is on the same medication and has been for several years and has not experienced any of these symptoms. Therefore, I am in no way try to hold the makers of this drug responsible for what I experienced. This post is all about how weird I am. 

After just a day or two of taking this new medication (which by the way has a side effect of weight loss BIG PLUS, right?) carbonated beverages began to taste vinegary and like dirty socks. Actually they kind of burned my throat when I drank them. My mouth also started getting dry a lot and I had that fuzzy tongue feeling. I could deal with this. I mean, I figured this was just in my head or a sinus thing. I mean, I always have some kind of sinus drainage. After the second week I noticed I started forgetting words. I knew that there was a word for what I was thinking about but I couldn't find the word. I would try to say words and they'd come out jumbled and jibberish. Much like a baby trying to learn to talk. Again, my coworkers have had a ball with this. 

Week three and I went to work and couldn't find the print button on Internet Explorer (Granted I do not use IE regularly but still I'm a geek I should have known). I stared at the screen for two minutes before the office ditz pointed it out to me. Thus began my journey into the realm of stupidity. Yes, I said stupidity. Turns out there's a couple of rare side effects with this medication. Since I'm such a unique person of course I had to get these rare side effects...at least a few of them...the most annoying ones. 

The first one I notices was the dry mouth and then the bad taste of carbonated beverages. Next was the loss of words. I love words. Words are one of my favorite things on earth. I've lost them the past few days and I'm not to happy about that. I've had trouble concentrating on simple tasks. Then the babbling talk started. I can't take it anymore. I've turned into a moron. Worse than that, I've turned into an average memory person. The one thing that makes me exceptional at my job is that I can remember where everyone is located, what they do, their extension, yada yada yada yada...today I couldn't remember someone's last name. All I could see in my minds eye was a tumble weed blow throw my head. Not cool. 

So I'm stopping this crazy whacked out medication. Yes, I'm calling my doctor and getting his advice but this was a trial period for this to begin with. I hadn't even worked up to the amount he wanted me on so I feel that I'm safe to stop this nonsense. I will, however, call to be advised how to do this safely for my health. This experience has taught me I really don't want Alzheimer's or Dementia. I think I'm going to have to run that 5k with my son next year to raise money for research. This has been a terrible experience. I don't like being slow. I don't like having sock mouth. This has been a scary and stupid feeling experience. I don't like not remember simple things like words. I want to write and if I can't remember the words to write the things that are in my head there's just no reason for me to breath. Ok maybe that's a little overly dramatic but hey, I'm a girl! I'm allowed to be a drama queen every now and then. I love words and I love being a live. Living and writing are two things the just kind of go hand in hand.  

Something as simple as a teeny, tiny little pill can change your whole way of thinking literally scares the crap out of me. I think I'm going to really have to start asking better questions before I say yes to any kind of altering chemicals. So now I'll wait for this stupifying medication to work it's way out of system and regain my knowledge and my smarts. I want to get back to my crazy ol' self. That's enough wackiness without being a stupid on top of that. Wish me luck! Lord knows I'll need it! 
Category: 0 comments

Sunday Sayings 1/29/2012

"Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can-there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did." ~Sarah Caldwell

Saturday Babbling

Yes, I'm just going to babble. Sorry, this should just take a few minutes. I'm prolonging the much needed room cleaning. Why is it that Saturdays don't change when you grow up? You still have to do your chores before you can go play? Oh well. I'm happy to report other than some very pesky migraines I'm recovering from the great Mono chaos of 2011. I seem to be getting my manic self back. This past week one of my many muses came back. This one? The poetic one. She's so weird. She really needs meds but I love what she puts out there so I hope she'll stay around for a while. She usually does come around close to the big V day. Not one of my favorite holidays. Not that I have anything against love and all that. Personally, I really like love. I love it really. It's all the hype and pressure that goes along with it. I feel the same about New Year's Eve. 

But I am babbling more than I really meant too. Did I have a point? Let's see. I told you I was getting better, right? Yes. I told you one of my muses was visiting? Yes. What else was there? Oh yes! I got a reclassification at work. I love that term. Like I was misclassified all along. A book on the wrong shelf. I have a littler nicer title and a bit of a higher number on the ol' pay stub too. That's always nice. I'm about to start earning it in the next few months. It's all classified. I love that too. Reclassified. Classified. We run a higher education institution but you'd think it was mission control at times. 

One thing I've learned being there is that when  you put a bunch of extremely intelligent, talented individuals together their egos tend to make them a tad paranoid and that's not just the teaching faculty. I'm talking about the staff as well. So when big or small changes happen in some other department they all tend to panic. We, as whole, are "transforming" system wide to change with the times and everyone is either rolling with it or buying into paranoia. You got to love it. So what my babbling is trying to say is this, some time in the future I can tell you all my exciting news about the new things I'll get to do and why I have a new title and more money. Until then no one but few know. How funny because I'm still be a nobody and what I'll be doing will in no way threaten anyone there.  

On another note: I let someone read some of my work and she loved it. Why is it that when someone new reads something I write and really seems impressed it shocks me? I mean, I want to write and have people enjoy it but when someone reads something I've put out there here's the drill: I pull it up on the screen. Reread it. Question this line. That line. Reread it. Repeat. Reread it. Print it. Reread it. My heart pounds. I mentally beat myself for about twenty minutes. Reread it. Take a deep breath. Hand it off. Mentally beat myself for awhile more. Then tell myself to forget about it. Reread it. Then tell myself to just brace myself for the truth. This is growth. Then when something like what happened this week happened I'm floored. How can someone like it that much? I mean, it was mostly the poetry and to tell you the truth, I've never been a big poetry fan. It just comes out. I don't know that I could sit down and write a poem if I had to on demand. And to read someone else's and tell you what the author meant? It just depends on if they were as mentally unstable as I am. 

Oh! Back to my point. I still find it hard to believe that the things that come out of my head (and heart sometimes) are enjoyed (or even understood) by others. I've always had these weird little worlds in my head that only I understand. I guess maybe I'm not so weird or maybe I'm just finding people out there that's as strange as I am. Who knows! I'm just going to roll with it and entertain the poetry muse while she's in town and wait for the prose or dark muse to come. Who knows who will visit next. They never call ahead. They never let me know when they're going to leave. I just enjoy them while they're here. Maybe someday I'll make a place for them all to live permanently in bliss. 

That's all the babble I'll subject you to for now. You may resume your regularly scheduled sanity now. OH! One more thing! Just to let you know. I had so much fun last year with the A-to-Z Blog Challenge that as insane as I've been with illness the past year I'm going to participate again for 2012 so look for postings to come if you want to join or just follow along. It's in April so check back for info to come!  Everyone have a great weekend. (I'm secretly, well not so secretly, praying for snow. One really good snow and I'll be quiet I promise!) 

Happy Reading everyone! 
Cat

Books vs Movies

This post is inspired by a friend on Facebook. He happens to be the theater director at the college I work at. He posted:

"The Rotten Tomatoes" web site is a good sourse for getting a variety of movie reviews. But I wish there was a way to filter out the reviews by the people who read the book"

"Why would you read the book when they'll just make a movie out of it?" This question comes out of my son's mouth at least once a month. He's not alone. I know several adults who feel the same way. I think they're missing something though. Movies show us someone's point of view about a story. It's their ideas of what the characters look like, how they act, how they think, how they handle situations, and even how they sound and move. A book on the other hand gives you so much more room for finding your own creativity. That's right, I said your creativity. I know a book is written by someone else with their own ideas and descriptions but we all interrupt things differently. It doesn't matter that the author describes a character or a room down to the very last detail we still have the freedom for our minds to shape the story. Even if an author describes a curved cherry side board down to the brass lion head hardware, our minds still pick the shade of the cherry lacquer, the exact location and depth of the curve, the exact tone of the lion's mane, even the length and width of the spindly legs that jut up from the floor. Now what I see and what you see will no doubt be two incredibly different images in our heads and truth be known, we could never convey that exact image out to anyone else. Those little details shape a story in our minds. Each word adds to the mental imagery that paints its way across our minds as the story progresses. That's what makes great fantasy stories great and what makes historical fiction so real. Our minds create things that couldn't possibly be reproduced in as great detail in the actual realm. At least not as we see them in our mind's eye. 

So does this mean I don't like movies? No, not at all. I love movies. I do have difficulty watching a movie AFTER I've read the book. I will read a book that I've already seen the movie but once I've read the words and then try to watch the movie I tend to pick the previous apart. It's not the movies fault, nor the director's, nor the actors', nor even the art department's fault. It's my mind's fault. My mind has set up a system to interrupt words based on what I've read before, the things I've experienced in life, and  my own creative juices. How on earth could some entertainment organization possibly know what is in my head? That's why when we read a book and then see the movie we cut it a part. How many times have you seen a movie that you had previously read the book to and said to yourself (or everyone else) "That's not at all how I pictured that character?" Nearly every time I'm sure. We've all done that. That's simply because we did not see on that screen what our mind produced as we were reading the words. As humans, we don't like to be wrong. If we've invested hours pouring through the pages of a book, investing our time, mind, and heart into characters and places our mind has created for us visually only to step into a theater and find something totally off from what we imagined we get defensive and say they did it all wrong. But did they really? Or did we? I'm sure authors often think people have totally misread their characters because we assume they will be what we envision in our heads. The author may have envisioned something much different. So who is wrong? None of us. Reading exercises our creativity. Yes, someone else wrote the story and laid out the ground work but ultimately it is our minds that shape and create our  mental images. In a movie, we are letting someone else do that for us. So why are we criticing a movie based on the same criteria we do a book? To me that's like judging a country song against a dubstep song: a classical ballad against a rap song; a blues piece against a  pop culture hit. They are the same yet they are completely different. 

Movies are great. Movies entertain quickly. We invest a grand total of an hour and half to two hours to a movie. A book? Any where from a couple of days to a week or two. How could we possibly expect to get as invested in a movie as we do a book. We pour ourselves into a book. We let someone else do the pouring for movie. What I'm trying to convey is let's get off the movie industries back for a while about movies not living up to the book. They aren't supposed to. They are not books. They are movies. We've paid someone a lot of money to do the creative thinking for us. Let's not bash them for not living up to something we spent a lot more time on creating images in our mind. Books are amazing art forms that give us the freedom to think, to create, to invest ourselves in and get lost in. Movies are great art forms as well but the difference is they give us the opportunity to relax, not think so much, and just enjoy. Why would we curse them for allowing us to let go?

If you find you go watch a movie you read a book to and it disappoints you terribly, don't do it. If a movie comes out and you've read the book recently, pass the movie over at least until it comes out on DVD. Give it some time until you have let go of your personal investment in the book. You may still pick some things a part but it may not be as personal an insult to your sense once  you've given it some time. Also, don't run out and read a book that the movie is coming out soon. You'll just be setting yourself up for disappointment. Ultimately, remember the disclaimer before every movie that comes after the book "BASED" on the book...That's right BASED not word for word but based on the book. That gives the writers creative freedom to take the basic concepts of the book and create a wonderful new story.  Just try to enjoy both mediums for what they are - entertainment. Let me also add that since so many of us have been guilty of judging a movie because of the book we read prior that I have to give kudos to the makers of the movie The Help. I read the book over two years ago and was so leary of the movie because I really allowed myself to get invested in the characters of the book. Ema Stone was NOT what I pictured for Skeeter but WOW! Did she do an excellent job as the main character. The movie was excellent just as the book was. In some cases, the movie drove home some of the point even better than the book by giving a visual presence that my experiences couldn't have. 

A book can be an adventurous, creative medium that sends our minds and hearts across time and space for a few hours, a few days, a few weeks. A movie can do the same thing only the trip is shorter and we let someone else choose the vehicle and do the driving. 

Happy reading and see you at the movies! 

Musing Mondays (Jan. 2)





Musing Mondays is a bookish meme hosted by MizB on Should be reading.
This week’s musing asks…
What is/are the first book(s) you’re reading for the new year?

One Grave at a Time: A Night Huntress NovelI didn't get to read as much as I wanted to this past year. I didn't even read as much as I did when I didn't read on a regular basis. This year I want to read back on my old level. (Thanks to mono) While I was off for a good chunk this past year, I had no ability to concentrate on any book. One thing I have done is keep up with the freebies on Amazon for my Kindle. I have so many books on there now I don't know where to start....13 pages full.  So where to start? 


I think I'm going to start with one of my brain candy books. One I waited for, for what seemed like forever: One Grave at a Time: A Night Huntress Novel by Jeaniene Frost. I love this series. I'm not a huge PNR reader but this one of two that I have kept up with and will continue to read. 


So what's number one on your TBR list?


PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT with either the link to your own Musing Mondays post, or share your answer in a comment here (if you don’t have a blog). Thanks! 

Sunday Sayings Jan 1 2012

 "Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man." ~ Benjamin Franklin
Category: 0 comments