I stumbled across these little freebies on Amazon this morning while peeking at the Cyber Specials I won't be buying so in the spirit of the Holidays (Christmas for me) I thought I'd share these for you listening pleasure. There are a wide variety of musical styles and songs but they're all good and best of all they're all FREE! I hope you enjoy them. I've also included a free Kindle book for the holidays as well. If you're like me and aren't blessed with a Kindle just remember you can download a free Kindle reader for your different devices Here

     

Sorry to be so neglective of this place. I've been caught up in that overwhelming thing called life. Haven't we all? I've been pretty down the past month or so. Between being overwhelmed by classes, work, kids, and the wonderful "down turn" of the economy, I've just felt that I was drowning. Atlas, I have seen the light...or rather, I've realized it's all good. Everyone is having it rough these days. One thing that I know is I can make it through anything. I was raised with a tight financial belt and I can make it. I've actually been having fun with it.

I'm so thankful for so many things and so many people. I have a wonderful family, home and job. This week I realized that while I do not have the money  I could use to buy the things my children and family want, I have been given some great crafty gifts to make things better. Yesterday I spent the day moving things around to make room for the Christmas tree. Yes I know yesterday was Black Friday. The day when all bargain shoppers hit the streets before midnight but I am not a natural born shopper and quite simply there are no shopping funds at this time. Honestly, that whole scene scares the holy snot out of me. It's turns the holidays into a contact sport.  Well, my two oldest and I moved furniture around; changing the entire dynamic of my living room...for the better.

I've found my inner DIYer once again. I've actually put pictures on the wall!! (I've lived in my house for 5 years with only two pictures and a shelf on my living room walls...ok one picture, a clock and a shelf) Anywho, if I can get my stiff body to move today I'm going to continue to peck away at my home getting it beautified for the holidays and for myself and the boys. I feel accomplished. I've also came up with a few diy Christmas things that I'll share in the days to come when I can get some pictures taken. Let's just say Google and I have found so many cute ideas using the things I've got in my craft box, kitchen, pantry, and yard. I'm like a kid in a candy store. hee hee.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday weekend and staying safe. I'm off to rub some anti-pain cream on my sore muscles and back to decking the halls. God bless and stay safe everyone!

It's hard. Too hard sometimes. I try but I still don't feel like I try hard enough. Or at least it isn't enough. Life. I'm talking about life. Please don't take this as a pity party. It's not. We are all handed certain cards in life and how we play them is entirely up to us. It's just I feel like the deck is always stacked not so much against me but everyone else is getting premium cards and I'm getting the discard pile. I made poor choices in life. We all have. Yet I stuck in there and took responsibility for the consequences of those choices. I don't regret that. Not for one minute. As a matter of fact, I am who I am today for those very consequences. A better person. I'm just tired of things always being hard. God always provides for me. That I know without a shadow of a doubt. I'm never fearful of being homeless or going hungry or freezing. But it's always so tight. I can't give my children their basic needs sometimes. They sacrifice so much and it kills me to watch them try to hide their pain and disappointment. It cuts deeper than any knife would...to the bone and then some. Basic things like more than a pair or two of jeans to stretch over a week's time. Basic things like a drink when we run to town for a school activity. Basic things like driver permits, wall coverings, new school supplies, and basic things like self esteem and self respect. I can feel myself failing in this area so badly today.

I have three amazing young men who do not ask for much but sacrifice so much. I hate feeling so inadequate as a provider. It's all on me and I try so hard to balance the roles I must be. I'm failing though. I can't give any one of them enough attention to properly complete their individual tasks sufficiently. So they are all left wanting, needing, desiring something that I can't provide. I'm tired and yet I know I haven't even begin to do enough to get the job done even the minimum.

So what's left for me to do? What else can I do to get through this? I pray and I hope that I don't damage them beyond repair when the grow up and have a life of their own. One I hope is so much better than I've given them. Every parent's goal is to provide a better life for their children than they had. I failed. I've provided such a poor life for them thus far. It will amaze me if they every look back once they leave.

But enough on my sorrow as a failing provider. I'll move past this. I always do. I'll put my happy face on once again. Make everyone around me happy and no one will be the wiser of my deficiency and maybe, just maybe, I'll pull this out of the bucket and make it all happen. Stranger things have happened.

Cat

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