Everyone likes to think they like change. Truth of the matter is we don’t. None of us truly like change. It’s human nature to resist change. Most of us have to be forced to change. We struggle. We resist. We fight the good fight. In the end, we give in and find most of the time that the change is good. So if we do this time and time again, why don’t we learn to just go with it? Some of us do. Some of us have learned to put our best face forward and get through it. Secretly, we’re pouting but outwardly we’re gung ho and ready for the new challenge.
I say all of this because recently I was put through this ordeal purposely by my Creative Writing professor (who is also a personal friend…note to self: don’t take friend’s classes). He challenged me to step out of my own head, away from my comfort zone, and delve into the darkness. After four or five days of struggling with pouting, staring at blank page, randomly complaining about taking a friend’s class, and the feelings of defeat, I sat down (in an actual meadow nonetheless) with a recorder in hand and talked out my frustrations. What did I get? A great story. To take a line from one of my favorite psychopathic fictional characters, “My dark passenger has arrived”. (Dexter) Before I knew it, I had an intricate story typing its way onto the page. After a few hours I had ten pages and over 3,000 words of dark thrilling story and it kept growing. Truthfully, it’s still growing. I’ve surpassed the assignment length so I don’t know if I’ll even present it to the class.
I do know that I got the assignment. The assignment wasn’t necessarily about what was put down on the page. After all, more than likely these words will only apply to my quota of a million words of crap. The assignment was for me to look outside of my own perspective – to breach my comfort zone and try something new…to change. And I did it. I left the comfort of my warm and fuzzies, of the HEA endings, of the laughter, and of the safeness of a positive story. I entered into a darker part of my psyche. The part that most of us try to pretend we don’t have - the dark part of us. The same part of us that watches horror movies, thrillers, mysteries, the primeval part of us that craves something sinister. What did I find? I’ve not turned into some hideous monster. I’m still the peppy and perky woman I’ve always been. Maybe more so. I’ve found an outlet for the frustrations of my day. A home for that darkness that we all swallow and push deeper inside because we don’t want to be freakishly odd. Truth is we’re all dark as much as we are light. After all, God made day AND night.
I also learned that if I hadn’t been pushed to step out of my box I would have never moved past what has been a creative block. I’ve been writing the same thing with different names and different locations. It’s become stale and that’s why I couldn’t grow. Growth and change should be synonymous. You can’t grow without allowing change and you can’t change without growth. I’m learning this lesson. Best of all, it doesn’t just apply to a writing assignment. I’m applying it to work, church, and yes, even my home life. Change is inevitable. Growth is necessary. I’m changing my mental compass so that I can grow and be a better person for it. It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been shoved out of my comfort zone and for that my Professor gets an A+!!!
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