Recently one of my fellow bloggers who inspires me in numerous ways, left a post about her struggles with blogging, career, and life itself. And here I thought I was the only one. Initially, I feared her post was a farewell post. Luckily, it was mainly reflection and a musing on losing readers if she mixed up the schematic of her post...adding general commentary in addition to book based memes among other things. How funny it is that even in the blogsphere we worry what others will think of us, will they approve? Disapproval kills us in any form. Why? After all, we ourselves disapprove of things from time to time. I don't think we do more than scrunch up our noses and move on. As humans we seek approval from every angle we can get it. Is it because we don't approve of ourselves? We see the things we think, the things we feel, the hatred, the disgust, every dark thought we have. Perhaps we fear that others, even those in blogsphere, will see the darker sides of us. See through the words into the small ugly parts in us.
Or perhaps, we just bore them and that too confirms we are average; no more special than the next clone sitting in the cube next to us. We all strive to shine in some small way. To shine; to be special; to prove we deserve this existence is one of our biggest goals in this life but it isn't our only goal. I know I lose focus on that from time to time. I want to feel special just as much as the next person. I've come to realize though that there are small moments in life that make me feel more special than all the accolades in the world both in the physical world and blogsphere. A moment of a teenage child thanking you for being hard enough on him to do the right thing but encouraging enough to put a smile on his face. Small moments like reading a blog and realizing you aren't alone in this world. Your thoughts are ok. Someone else is struggling with the same fears. And while you thought you were sinking in those fears, you maybe just far enough ahead to help someone else pull themselves up, dust themselves off, and trudge forward.
I love to write. I love to read. Most important, I love to live. This blog is my little world where I can put down in words the things that compose me...the funny, the dark, the sad, the analytical, the books I love and not love so much...all the things that compose me. That's all I think any of us can do. Put out to the world what composes us and hopefully it will touch someone...help them grow...or simply put a smile on their face (even if because they are so happy they aren't in our shoes). We are who were are and that my friend, is forever changing.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

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