I tend to write by emotion. I write best when I'm over emotional. Unfortunately, things have been pretty positive. Now that's not something you say very often but I've found that my writing is more fluff than substance. That's actually pretty sad that I do my best writing when I'm miserable. But I think emotions open the door to our creativity. It let's us open up to the raw power and let words fill in the painful gaps in our psyche.

When I write positive things they tend to be humorous and while that's all well and good I feel silly about it. I suppose because it makes me a little more human and real than the serious stuff. Plus, it makes me feel less productive. I don't know why because writing is writing. Words come out to communicate. To tell a story. To entertain. To educate. To heal. Some of my best healing comes from laughter - especially the laughter I get from my kids. They are the funniest and coolest people I know. How on earth they got that way despite me is beyond my imagination. But for all its worth I have to step out of my dark, gloomy, thought provoking comfort zone and just write. After all, I don't write to publish the next great American Novel (although we all secretively want to) I write because well, that's what I do. It's part of who I am and what I will be. Just like air, water, food, writing is a necessity for me. It makes me feel complete even if no one else sees it. If they do see it, it doesn't  matter. I didn't write it for them. I wrote it either for myself or because the voice, the Muse within me, said to. I write to give life to the world that lives within me. I write because that is who I am.

I love writing. I love it even more when it isn't work. That seems to be the case with my recent project. I'm not writing it. Its writing itsself. Each day another piece reveals itself to me and I have to hury up and jot it down. This morning I woke up to so much of the story falling in place that there was no way to write it all in detail. Thus I have rediscovered the note taking/outline process. Ok so I really never lost it. I just never really used it unless i had to give a speach or make a list of to dos. I suppose that's what my story was giving me this morning. My to do list. Each character is shouting for me to tell their side, their angle that they knew I had to write it down in a tangle be way. I'm quickly filling up a notebook with words; with lives, with character development, with a story line that has grabbed my attention and won't let go. I hope I can do it justice. Its such a good story my Muse has given me. I just don't want to let her down.

Surprisingly, I've been rather productive today. Well, at least when it comes to writing. I had one of those moments where a thought comes to you so you write it down for later but then the pen keeps going? Yes, I had one of those moments. It amazes me how something like a small thought takes you to places not even close to where you started. At least its progress. Not that I'll do anything with it but purhaps it will become something one of these days.

I've been giving a lot of thought into my voice. Not my vocal voice - my pen voice, story voice, whatever you want to call it. My voice. The tone my stories give. I've noticed I write primarily two ways; either very deep and emotional or light hearted and humorous. I suppose that's justified coming from a bipolar brain. I'm just not so sure which way to pursue. I'm temped to figure out a way to merge the two worlds but really, I don't see that working either. They're two seperate worlds, in two seperate universes. My fictional writing tends to be more melodramatic while my semi-autobiographical material finds a lot of humor. That can also be justified since I see my life as very funny if not almost teasing. The only thing I know to do is continue to write what comes out of either the end of the pen or off the keyboard and continue to read everything I get my hands on. I'm pretty sure when I hear the voice I'll know it.