This may sound like a rant but it's not. It's my view. Not on your life or anyone else's but on mine. If this helps someone in a similar situation - good. I hope it gets through to those who point fingers and pass judgment on others when they don't really know what goes on in one’s family or home.
I'm a single mom. That was not in my plan but it's the plan I was given. Whether through poor choices or through a high power (that would be God by the way) this is the life I have. God blessed me with three boys. Life left me with no "man of the house". I took responsibility for my life. I've worked. I've put food on the table, a roof over our heads, clothes on their backs, and love in their hearts. I've stayed up late after work making classroom party favors, Halloween costumes, and even risen before daylight to get things rolling for their day. Between all of us, we've always filled our home with laughter...good times and bad. With one child blessed with special needs and two others with their own issues to live through, I've done the best that I could to do with the tools that I've had at my disposal. All in all, I think I've done a good job. None of my children have been in trouble with the law. None of my children are on drugs or alcohol. None of my children are failing school. They go to church not because I make them but because the truly want to. They’re healthy, happy, basically well-adjusted (for teenagers) and good citizens.
I've always had some who make a point to advise me I have a tough time raising them because I'm doing it without a man. I didn't know two parent families had it easy! Also, to them I say, have you met my father? The man my boys refer to as the Alpha American? The man who has shown them how to be a true man...respect themselves; respect others; to look after those weaker than themselves. I am thankful beyond measure for my dad showing them how a real man carries himself and conducts himself in life and for showing them to enjoy what they’ve been blessed with. (See sometimes the "man" - the true man - isn't even under the same roof even when there's a man under the same roof).
Having said this let me now add that my boys have not been deprived of a meaningful life because they were saddled with a solo mom. In many ways they are a head of the game in life. They understand sacrifice and more than the sacrifice of not getting a new pair of name brand shoes or not getting a brand new sports car. They understand that sometimes; most times, a person has to put themselves last in wants, desires, even needs, to provide for the whole. They understand how to make a night of fun out of a bunch of candles, a board game and family circled round when the weather takes the power out. They understand that things aren't handed to you and the things that are? Well, they know that they are true gifts to be appreciated. They understand, and even appreciate, not going to a fancy vacation spot but packing a picnic lunch to go to a local swimming hole for the day or even turning down an unknown road to see where it goes.
They may have been deprived a "man of the house" but they've always had the Father with them - looking out for them; protecting them; loving them. Not all homes are the picture perfect ones we've been conditioned to see as ideal but a family in any form that is loving, Godly, and supporting is HIS perfect one. Before you offer advice that someone has a hard time or is lacking because there isn't a man around the house, ask yourself are you the one to cast that stone? Are your children perfect? Is your family perfect? The answer is no because none are. But our family is no less a family because you can't see "a man of the house". Our man of the house lives in our hearts, our souls.
For those out there doing this solo, woman or man, hold your head up, thank God every day for the gifts he has given you and the wisdom to do it right. He'll answer prayers and your children will be just fine.
Final note, I am very pro-family. It is ideal to have mom and dad both but to criticize those who don't is wrong. They're there and they are taken responsibility for the gifts and challenges we all have. Encourage them. Praise them. Most of all, put your stones down.
